Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
