it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
