I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
