Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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