if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
