I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
