He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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