So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
