i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
