If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Two words: blizzard sex
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
