im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
