I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
