we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Ladies don't puke and tell
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize