you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Im part way to drunk.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
