I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
