I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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