Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
