Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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