Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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