My nipple is on Facebook.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
where does the pee come out of this thing
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
