Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize