dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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