I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
