Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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