so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It was a blind-side dick pic.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
