why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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