thus making me awesome and them whores
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
