and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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