He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize