I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
