i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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