ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
