Just mADE A PArabola og urine
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
