You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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