Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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