Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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