Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
