I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
