Where is the hickey?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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