I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
