Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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