can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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