that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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