how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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