so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize