also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
