So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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