Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
