I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
