We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize