omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
