If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The power of my boobs compel you
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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