i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
