i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
