at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
