It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize