Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
