i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
