The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
