i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
the liver wants what the liver wants
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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