Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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