don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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