I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
