what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
