I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
