Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
