I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
