The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
