I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize