i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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