How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
