"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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