DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
