So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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