I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
