just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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