I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
