i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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