I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
