yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Randomize
