Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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