Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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