my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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