Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
