i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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