I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
