Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
