I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
