well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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