Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
