Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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