Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
