1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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