Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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