Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
