I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have aggressive nipples.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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