I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
