hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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