You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
