I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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