i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
it hurts more in the daytime
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
