What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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