just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
