Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
