that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
