At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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