Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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