I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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