If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize