she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
